I read a meme today on Facebook that agitated me, probably more than it should have. I really have to learn to scroll past the ignorance. Of course, now that I’m posting about the meme, I can’t find it anywhere. I don’t know if my sinuses being rude today is the reason I’m super agitated at this meme and taking it to a-whole-nother level, but I read it and gave it a deep eye-roll. The words in the meme were:
“If you and your man split the bills 50/50, he is not your man, he is your roommate.”
… followed by a gaggle of emoticons, proof that whoever posted it thought it insanely hilarious.
Now I’m going to tell you why this ticked me off. I have been married for 9 years, going through a separation. My husband did the bare minimum and let me tend to bills and carry the load all alone, taking care of three boys. Now pray tell, he will say he held jobs while we were together. Yes, he did.
(I have taken the liberty of creating a chart so that you can get a visual on his employment time in the total 10 years together. I chose pie for obvious reasons.)
I’m probably actual giving him more of a percentage than I should. Yes, you can say, “Well why did you do it for so long?” Why didn’t you leave him?”, which is a very hard question to answer when the list is a mile long of reasons to stay. I know in an age where people get divorced because one or the other accidentally used their face towel, that matches, and was hanging on the wrong side making it appear to be the others … are y’all feeling what I’m saying? I thought I shouldn’t give up on my marriage and keep my family together. That is until this way of life was too much and I felt if I had to endure all of the heaviness myself, then I might as well do it alone, wild, and free.
The young lady that originally posted this and all her, “Yaaaaasssss, yaaaasssss”-ers, have life seriously fucked all the way up. We are in 2017. I don’t know your cultural background, but coming from my African American one, I just don’t understand how any “sistah” could think this was funny. I know the meme was more than likely a joke, but I’m also pretty sure at some point, someone, shared it agitated because she and her man split bills, yet she feels he should be paying the majority. That lames ass way of thinking needs to change. I would have LOVED for my partner to pay half of the bills, 50/50! Not as my roommate but as an equal. Why should a woman, able to provide, feel she deserves to pay a smaller portion living, using, and taking up space?
If your partner is equally tending to the business of your household, that is something truly great. There will always be someone saying things like the above more than likely jealous and bitter. Be careful listening to bullshit memes and taking advice from someone who may or may not have a fully functioning brain. For all we know the meme could have been posted because the postee has a partner who does far less and she is jealous of a friend who splits everything down the middle with her partner. So why not make her think something is wrong with it? I’ve had my share of friends that were in far worse of a situation than me, yet offered up advice on how they would handle it.
Don’t take advice from someone so far from having their life together that you can’t even see it on the horizon. Do what you feel and what makes you happy. What’s understood does not need to be explained.